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Journal of a Widow!

Updated: Jan 4, 2022

I cried today.... Just as the tears rolled down my face. I whispered to God, but I'm so tired. Since beginning this journey realizing that the race is not a sprint but a marathon, I'm tired! Continually picking me up after finally choosing me, I'm tired. The tears kept running, I kept praying.

I give until there's nothing left.

I share until I only have crumbs.

I offer until I'm bare!

Dear God, I'm tired!

Is this the road destined for me?

Are my past smiles all there'll ever be?

Will the hope I give ever be returned to me?

At the moment when there were no more words of worry and doubt, a genuine warmth gradually filled my heart. A still small voice then began to peak and ever so gently and reminded me. My words will never return void to me! My promise still remains in your heart. Seek my presence in the love you give. You are tired because you are committed to doing things your way! I need you to heal you and trust my timing. You are worth all of the love you give. The scriptures began to flood my heart:

Isaiah 40:31: But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Galatians 6:9: And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Proverbs 18:22: The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.

Isaiah 61:3: To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

1 Corinthians 2:9: But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, Neither have entered into the heart of man, The things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

With that he reminded me, my child your steps are ordered. Your marriage didn't fail, I needed him. You gave up what was in your hand for me now let me prepare you for the blessing that I have for you!

I washed my face, combed my hair and began to praise him!

I am committed to consider myself the way I am expecting others to consider me.

I am loving myself the way I'm expecting others to love me.

I am choosing myself the way that I'm expecting others to choose me!

The race continues... food for my soul

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